What did i ever do, to deserve such acrimony, o fate!
Do i really belong here? Will i ever make it? When will i be victorious over my demons? The battle within rages on unabated. I have no answers and the demons from the past continue to hound me. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes, because i cannot seem to take my own advice. I feel left out, and out of place on this ambitious podium, where hunger for self gratification is promoted as the key to success. I have no one to confide my fears in, no one to clap my back and console me. Right now i crave for the physical presence of that individual who could see me in my vulnerable state and listen to me.
Some days i wish, i should die but my rational mind negates my emotions by reminding me of my Guru’s words “Suicide is the opposite of evolution” O, Guru! I want to walk on your path, i want to be a beacon of hope, peace and right action to all, but i am unable to do so! Is this part of who i am in this birth or is this my destiny? If its my destiny then when will this tunnel of darkness end? Its been 28 years and i don’t believe i can keep up any longer!
I don’t know what is my passion, or what my career should be. It seems the things that i am good at have no real value in the “real life”. The ethics, values, beliefs that i hold dear aren’t the money making tools! But i am nothing without them! Strip me out of those and i cease to exist. i am a man out of my time and depth. Maybe the 60’s and the 70’s would have been proper for me.
I wait o fate for ye to lift thy axe from my over burdened shoulder and set me free!